


Mistakes Were Made

by addyrobin, ch3rryshortcake



Series: Mistakes Were Made [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addyrobin/pseuds/addyrobin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch3rryshortcake/pseuds/ch3rryshortcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bull slaps the wrong ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistakes Were Made

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this was an idea that turned into a short RP that turned into a fic.
> 
> Modern AU.  
> Sexual Innuendos coming up.

Bull wasn't fond of Dorian's parents. Never had been. He didn't like having to play pretend, like he was just a close friend of Dorian's - but being Qunari was bad enough, and if they found out that Bull was a  _ boyfriend _ and not just a  _ friend _ ...he shook the thought from his mind. He was going to be  _ polite _ and  _ reserved _ at this dinner....but not without messing with Dorian a little first.

  


He saw the other man standing with his back to him as he entered, a little smirk on his face as he crept into the room. Before he could notice, Bull slid up behind him and leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Hey. If you behave well during dinner, I'll give you the best dessert you can imagine..." He chuckled lowly into the other man's ear, running his fingers over his neck before slapping his ass playfully. "You ready, kadan?"

  


Unfortunately for Bull, he’d gotten the wrong Pavus.

  


Halward just about jumped out of his skin, making the highest pitched sound of surprise you would never expect to get out of the man. He swirled himself around, eyes wide with shock and disgust. "I beg your pardon! How...How dare you!" He gasped, his face flushing brightly as he took steps back from Bull. "Are you mad?! How  _ dare _ you!" He repeated again.

  


"...oh.  _ Shit _ ." Bull stared down at Halward, his eye wide with shock and confusion. "Sorry, you just look so much like Dorian fron the back-- I mean!!"

  


Dorian was in the other room with his mother when he heard father's distraught voice.  _ Shit.  _ He rushed back to the room where he found Bull and Halward facing each other, his father completely red in the face. 

  


“Father, what’s wrong?” Dorian asked, staring directly up at Bull questioningly. 

  


Bull fell into silence, choking on his words and looking over at Dorian. "Uh. Dorian. Heeeeeey..." He looked down at Halward, so confused and surprised that he wasn't even sure how to react. "...so I take it you  _ don't _ want that dessert, Mr. Pavus."

  


Dorian looked up at Bull, his eyes narrowing. "What do you mean? What happened?"

  


"This...this...beast! Your  _ friend _ . If that's really all he is, considering the dirty words he just spoke into my ear..." He said, shivering from the memory. "He smacked my backside after inviting me to partake in his 'dessert'." He walked away from Bull to the other side of the room. "I feel absolutely filthy now." He said, glowering at the two of them. "You have some explaining to do, _Dorian_."

  


Dorian's eyes grew, turning his head towards Bull and gave him the most hateful glare he could manage.

  


"Father. I’ve asked you many times not to call Bull that. It’s quite rude. Anyways, I’m sure all of this was just an accident. A misunderstanding. It's something they do to all their friends where he comes from. Isn't it, Iron Bull?"

  


"Uh. Yeah. Nothing wrong with dessert. Cream pies are all the rage in Par Vollen. I was just messing around, you know. A joke. No, uh. No homo."  _ Very homo _ . Bull wasn't really sure if they could talk their way out of this, but he  _ had _ brought pie, so there was a slim chance. Probably a better chance than getting Halward Pavus into bed, he assumed. "You know me. Uncivilized  _ beast _ . Still trying to train myself out of that Qun crap." 

  


It wasn't  _ entirely _ a lie. He had broken from the Qun only a few months ago, and even if they weren't hunting him down with pitchforks and torches, he still viewed life through the lens of the Qun. The words seemed to placate Halward slightly, at least. "I really do have pie. Was gonna offer it to you and everything. Just, uh. Not like that?"

  


Dorian stepped toward Bull, turning away from Halward's view in fear that he was going to burst out in laughter from Bull’s awful cream pie joke. He gently elbowed him in the side, glancing up at him and shaking his head.

  


"Trust me father, his cream pies are marvelous. Fills you right up though, but leaves you wanting more."

  


Halward glanced between the two regarding them with suspicion, not sure if they could be believed. Especially not with Dorian's behavior. He was used to reading him, catching his lies.. However... 

  


"I do enjoy a nice cream pie." Halward said, sighing. "Where is this pie, then?"

  


Bull choked on air just a bit at Dorian's reply, followed by Halward's comment. "I'm shocked," he managed, a big grin on his face as he carefully stifled his laughter. "You don't seem like a cream-pie kind of guy to me. But hey, whatever gets you off…” He paused at the look he got from Dorian, rethinking his words. "Uh, floats your boat. Qun language. Sorry." He turned to the door. "It's in my car! You want me to get it now? It's good shit. Fun for the whole family. Cream pie all around."

  


"Yes. Go on. Next time take better care, and keep your hands off of me." Halward sniffed, mumbling under his breath about Dorian’s poor choice in friends. 

  


Dorian bit his lip, putting his hands on Bull's back in attempt to push him forward before he gave into laughter, not that he was actually strong enough to even move him an inch. 

  


"Yes, yes, father. We know. You're ashamed to have enjoyed being smacked in the ass by my friend. Don't worry, you won't find in the latest Tevinter gossip column and I'll make sure Iron Bull keeps his hands to himself for now on."

  


"My bad, Mr. Pavus," Bull said apologetically, still grinning as he allowed Dorian to push him to the door. "I'll go easier on you next time. Start with the cream pie instead." He winked at Dorian, turning his head so Halward couldn't see it.

  


Halward huffed as he waited for them to come back in. Dorian smacked Bull's arm as soon as they were outside and of earshot. 

  


"Really? You actually smacked my father in the ass? Did you not think at all?"

  


"I thought he was you!" Bull said apologetically, still laughing a little. "You look similar from behind, I didn't think he would be there!" He grinned at Dorian. "Nice one about the cream pie, though. You think he'll figure it out?"

  


"It'll be a while if he ever does. Thankfully." He leaned up against Bull, sliding his hands up his chest. "I certainly hope you have another dessert saved for me however..."

  


"That's what I was trying to offer in the first place..." Bull growled, a smirk playing on his face. "Don't worry, kadan. Just make sure you save room for seconds..."

  


"I don't know. If you plan on giving me cream pie...I don't know if I'll have the room." He said letting out a small sigh. 

  


Bull chuckled, pulling Dorian against him. "You always seem to have room for more than one..." He kissed Dorian quickly before opening up his car, digging through it before finally finding the pie in question. "Here. We better go back in there before he gets suspicious."

  


"And here I thought I was getting a little taste before everyone else." He said, dipping his finger into the edge of it and licked it slowly off his fingers. "Mm...that  _ is _ good. Come on." He said, heading back into the house.

  


"Ohhhh, you can't just  _ do _ that, I'll get turned on before we even finish dinner," Bull grumbled, following Dorian back into the house with a grin nonetheless.

  
...many hours after the dinner, Dorian only felt slightly guilty when his father called him up with some stern words after googling recipes for ‘cream pie’.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this silly little fic! Hope you got a kick out of it as much as we did!


End file.
